Vanishing

I wish my soul could vanish in thin air
I’m standing ill, soaked in fear
Trying to catch my breath
In middle of nowhere
Only if I could remove my chapter
From the book of unholy times
Become a forgotten tale
And never be asked again
But even ghosts are discussed in this town
And passed on to the coming generations
Then how come my existence ever be unseen
Though no one cares in the Eskimo’s land
But the worries are left to infinity
They are cold but they’ll keep your wounds warm
Will leave you in a thoughtful storm
I wish I could burry my worries
“Vanishing soul” is a myth
Created by a head’s child
One could always dream of it
But it’ll never come to meet the world of yours
You’ll be left waiting with silence on your doors

Lone Ranger

I am tall in my head
Dark in personality
I am a stranger to the world
As I walk in the night
With little drops left to drink
I can just pray for a rain to fall
Very little power left in my soul
I can hardly reach the sun
The night is all I seek for
Even in daylight I can’t spell “Bright”
Only if someone could reach out their hand for me
And give me a hold to live a while
But I think that is not the case
With the strangers of night
They can hardly be seen
The passage they choose is often deserted
One could only find the ghosts of their trails
No footsteps, no leftovers
Their track is traceless
So what more can you expect from such strangers
They are lone rangers of the dark
They are meant to be that way
So am I
And still I deny?  

The life I choose to live

The life I choose to live

Is somewhere in the wonderland

On the other side of the looking glass

Somewhere between the closet full of old clothes

Because this world is way too real for it

I can’t live it here

Even if I try to live it

Not even it’ll suffocate me

It’ll fall to dust itself too

My dreams and my nightmares are still mine

Some of them I am afraid to visit

Others I cherish in my quiet moments

The reality is too hard to live in

No one wants it but they all do

Just to be called normal

If title was everything I’d wished

I would have given up my choice a long time ago

But I feel the choice isn’t mine anymore

It spins in the hands of fate

And so does the choices of everyone else

I am just left in my chair

To rot till my time expires

Till my breaths wear out

Till my beats are silent

Even though I’ll never see my wonderland

But it will exist in someone else’s eyes

It will carry on its fragrance

On another stranger’s chest

The life we are living

May not be the life we choose to live

Our life may lie…

On the other side of the looking glass

Somewhere between the closet full of old clothes

میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔

میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
جو گرنا نہ جانے
جو اپنی بنیادوں پر ٹکا رہے
صدیوں کی بے راہ روی کو سہہ سکے
میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
میں رشتے ناطوں کے
 انجان بندھنوں میں جکڑا ہوں
یہ بیڑیاں کبھی زنجیر ہیں تو کبھی پایل
میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
جو ان رشتوں کی بیڑیوں کو توڑ نہ سکوں
اور پھر ان زنجیروں کو
 ہاتھوں میں پکڑ کےروؤں نہ
میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
جسے مارو تو خون نہ بہے
جو تکلیف سے بالاتر ہو
جو آنسو چھپالے
مجھے کاٹو گے تو خون بہے گا
کبھی میں نونہال بچے کی طرح چلاؤں گا
تو کبھی کسی صابر بزرگ کی طرح
دو آنسو ٹپکاؤں گا
میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
جو اپنی تکلیف کو صبر سے ہی برداشت کروں
میں اپنی ذات سے گر جاؤں گا
میں سڑکوں پر چلاؤں گا
اور چلاتے چلاتے تھک کے سو جاؤں گا
میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔
جو چپ چاپ کھڑا رہے
نہ کبھی اپنے آپ کو
نہ پڑوسی کو دیکھے
یہ پہاڑ ہی ہوتا ہے
جو نہ دن کو ، نہ رات کو سوتا ہے
وہ اپنی ذات کے غاروں میں گم ہوتا ہے
اُسے نہ تکلیف، نہ احساس، نہ ہی دکھ ہوتا ہے
اُسےکودنا نہیں آتا
اُسے منزل کی پرواہ نہیں
وہ تو خود ایک منزل ہے
لوگ اس کو طے کرتے ہیں
پہاڑ بلا حالات کو کیا جانے
پہاڑ رشتوں کو کیا پہچانے
اِک انسان ہی ہے
جو رشتے ناطوں کو بنائے اور توڑے بھی
جو انسان کو انسان سے درنندہ بنادے
اور کبھی کبھار درندوں کو بھی شرمندہ کر دے
پہاڑ کا کیا ہے؟
تم اُس کا کنکر چراؤ
یا چراؤ سنگِ مر مر ۔۔۔
وہ نہ بولا ہے نہ بولے گا
تم جتنے چاہے سنگ چیر چلادو
وہ چوں سے چاں نہ کرے گا
کیوں کہ وہ پہاڑ ہے
پر میں انسان ہوں، پہاڑ نہیں ۔۔۔

Why I hate Delusional People?

Delusional people are those who believe firmly into something that is either a lie or doesn’t exist. It doesn’t mean that what they are claiming is completely out of reality. A part of the situation could be true. For example; a person knows how to fix PCs and claims that he is the proud inventor of Windows. But we all know that the person who invented Windows was Bill Gates.

Delusional People aren’t liars. They are people with a psychological condition. Such illness could be caused by various things. Personality Complex, insecure environment, lack of parenting, having their time spend around a lot of fiction based literature… The patient could have been in one of these situations or in some cases all of them.

The reason they delusion is because they want to escape the realty. They aren’t ready to except the situation. If you are mixing delusion with confidence, then I need to clear you the difference right there. Now we all know that everyone goes through bad times, once in a while. Sometimes it’s so depressing that we create a fictional fortress around our personality. Our soul patches through the wounds, almost the same way as our body does. The fortress-building process works just like an anti-body. It’s a temporary condition that helps us carry on our way of life and live through the tragedy. The one that’s temporary is called, Courage/Confidence but the fortress that stays, even after we are recovered, develops into a delusion. Both Self-Confidence and Delusion, work the same way and has the same assignment. Eventually, the delusion gets harmful. The developing process is slow. Hence if we want to prevent the illness, we can by intruding at the right time.

Just like the most of the personality disorders, delusion is developed at the early age. Sometimes, it narrows down deep inside a person and hibernates until it’s provoked by a relevant incident. Thus a person may become delusional at a later age.

What harm could delusional people bring? As you must have understood by the above definitions, such person can be stubborn at its believing. So, no matter how hard you try to explain “Terry” that he didn’t invent Windows, he just won’t listen to you. Because what he believes is the reality according to him.

Now you must want to know why I hate them. Simple… they just make you feel that you are wrong. There’s even a time when you start thinking, you might be. But tell you what?! If a person is already having bad time with their mental-scars, doesn’t mean that you have to go through the pain too. Help such people, if you want to but don’t get your brain messed up. Your life deserves more charity by you than any other.

The Perception-ist___Chapter: Insurance

(The last dialogue in the novel between Alos and the love of his life Izna)

Izna: I wanted… to ask you something. Is that okay?

Alos: go on. (he permits)

Izna: why now? Why not in the future? Why did you have to come back for me in the past?

Alos: you wouldn’t accept me then.

Izna: why wouldn’t I accept you? I have you now. Why wouldn’t I have you then?

Alos: things were complicated. Time wasn’t on our side. The situation wasn’t…. and…. There were quite a lot of things that didn’t help us get along.

Izna: what makes you sure that I’ll still be with you in next years? You already know that we didn’t get along. What’s the insurance?

Alos: I…. wasn’t sure to get you in the past either. I had to…. take the chance. All my life… I had lived by the thought of you and me growing old, together. I couldn’t see my self without you. Even I had all the things calculated, I couldn’t stand in front of the fate. I had to take my chances.

I am still not sure how the things will work for us in the future. But I am sure we’ll figure out a way. There’s always a way. (he sighs and cuddles her) I know there is.

Izna: (moves her face towards him) if there isn’t any, we’ll make one.