The Sleepover

Here I am, sitting right next to a temporary-niceness-disordered-person, aka, Sami. He’s my mate since the high school. Now, he’s taking a nap. So I have a chance to explore his Laptop. I have never used one, like I am doing it now. It sure seems fun. But I am not here to talk about his laptop. I am not here to talk about him either. Or…. Why not I tell you about how the last night’s experience had been for me? It was just OK, if I conclude it. But I don’t want to just conclude it here. The moment since I have got here, has been boring. He is up to his electric guitar, learning it by downloading tab designs. It must be fun for him. Because I felt that it was only him romancing his guitar and I wasn’t even there. But thank God, he realized that soon and the horror was over. We later, went out looking for a power-supply for his P4. That we didn’t succeed. Instead he bought a P3 power-supply to run his CD-ROM. The food we had was good. But the way Sami rides a bike…. You must see that. Well, you can’t blame him. After all, who else can survive with a 120kg guy on his back? Later we ended up watching movies and switching political opinions. And now, he is sleeping front side back, right beside me, scoring some muted snores. I thought he was used to waking up all night. Then again… its morning… I am still unable to connect the internet. I want to reboot the system but I won’t be able to do so as I am not aware of the password.

(Later, some time in the evening at home…)

I was surely not comfortable for the “86” years of prison for Afia Siddiqui, given by the US court. None of us here can claim that she is innocent. But it surely defines the obsession of these tyrants with us.

Who are “us”? “Us” are the people who want to live by the rule “Live and Let Live”. “Us” are the people who are working day and night trying to establish a safe and prosper future for our children. “Us” are the Men with Pen who want to unmask the Bad of the society. “Us” are the people who want to live their lives according to their Faiths. “Us” are the people who are looking forward to bring change in this era of the postwar. “Us” are the people who want the right to live a legal life and want equal rights, the rights that are beyond the filth of race and distinction of religion. “Us” are the people who are against the violence and unfortunately are falsely alleged of committing one. “Us” are the people who want this insanity to be stopped for good.

Do you get the picture? I hope so. I just read this blog and I was… not in my senses. I think you would have lost yours too, when read it. A woman who is helpless in the land which she isn’t familiar with and is alleged of committing a crime that she is unable to do so, is shamelessly damned by her own people. Damn anyone you like, but do it on the basis of facts not on the foundation of fairytales.

All I can say is; may God be with that poor woman and her family and relief them from this unforeseen disaster. And Shame on you, all of you, on passing horrible comments in the name of opinion.

That’s all I can do. As I also belong to the “Us”.   

De..... Pression

Lately, I saw something that I don’t think I have had ever experienced in my life. It was; the war of the articles. There was a group that was blaming and shamming, Pakistani Nation, for an act that only a mob was responsible for. And this group was then being attacked or should I say criticized by another group of Analysts (and their bloggers). Also, you may see some columnists, pros and cons, writing articles and getting responses on the same issue that took place a few weeks ago. I don’t get one thing at all. Has any of the alleged ones, read any of these articles? For whom exactly these articles were being written and discussed for? Those who might to it again won't be able to get this message, ever. I am sure, there is no such sophisticatedly ill to act out such crime. Those who did and saw the whole thing were a bunch of sick people and that’s all. Obviously, we didn’t have that much gut, to watch the whole clip. In fact we couldn’t even stand the blurry glimpse of it. So why blame ourselves, for a thing that wouldn’t even strike our mind?I know there are people like me who like “Saw” franchise. But that is only limited to the movies. Even in the movies, there are times when we can’t see the brutal scenes. So… we have had enough with this self implemented depression. Its time to look up ahead and make sure this won’t happen again. At least not near us. So buck up dudes. And pray for the victims and their family that they find real peace.


11th of Sep passed peacefully. A memorial ceremony was held on the 9th anniversary of it. I was thinking, how luck the states is? They are free to commemorate any thing they want to. At the other hand, we couldn’t celebrate the Independence Day. And that’s just not it. We couldn’t even celebrate the Defense day, the Pakistan Day, etc. It was all because of the depressed situation of the country. Pakistan is probably the only country, facing floods, Terrorism and political crisis, all at the same time. Where as in states like Kentucky, people need alibis like; eggs not being fried, to kill people. We are the victims and being accused, at the same time. A nation where its own people want to help but don’t know who to trust and give their money away, so that the needy may be helped. Not to forget, all these situations have made a strange aggression against the rulers. If you ask me, this is all sudden. Look back 10 years before, from now. You’ll see how things were peaceful at that time. Pakistan seemed a lot more of a nation instead of a land that you can find it on Google Earth. People here are living with broken hearts and bitter attitude. Who is responsible? I think in way… most of us are. And some of us do realize it. Realizing is the key, to get things straiten.  All we need is an awakening. If you want to ask me… How??? I really don’t have the answer. Religion is something that has become a nightmare. No one follows it but also, is not ready to admit this laziness.  I have seen some talk shows, rather public forums. In which there were many provoking and intellectual based discussions, being held. The sad part was, none of the public was able to understand the purpose of it and giving out lame comments, out of reference.
Having youth is a blessing and having intellectual youth is another. May be its because of the education system that is set to make us act like dummy clerks. So we (young and old) need to soul search the solution out of ourselves. Perhaps joining the heads, might bring up something.

Do or Die?

Is it so??? lets find out. My mate wanted to meet someone with religious sense. So I decided to take him to a Mufti (scholar). According to him he was like, 75. What my friend wanted to know is not important. But the things we have discoverd, are. As a Muslim, it was sort of a reality check. We both discovered we were living two lives. No matter how frequent they say that Islamic life-style is easy to adapt, it’s still pretty much hard. Of course, you can't deny the fact that the Molanas are used to living a simple and a pious life. And most of them are practical to their quotes.
The era, us Muslims are living is not an easy one. The ideology of Islamic welfare has vanished somewhere in the black hole of the modern society. To which we are mainly responsible. Now days, we are not even a 0.1% aware of it. Every man is living a life of his own.
It makes me think very often and it extremely pulls my brain out, what are the Islamic Laws for? If we are not to implement it in our lives, then who is? The issue my friend wanted to be educated was not to be easily taken in a single session. Being a moderate person, I think it takes a couple months to do so. Since we are not used to the basic Islamic studies, when we hear such period of learning a single law, we get freaked.
We are living 2 lives. And those who we see prosper, in both religious and business life, is just an overlook of us. In reality we have no idea what the real thing is. Making your life out of worldly ways, is not an easy thing. Islamic life-style, at the other hand, is simple. Making money is not the first option. ‘Cause what we’ll gain is already destined and decided. But helping others and making welfare is.
As my friend asked; if you take a facility from a person, it’s not easy to live without it. The answer he received was; it’s all about making you use-to to the comforts.
The Islamic ideology is not to live this life but to work for the after one, by rituals. The fake sparks of the world has made us interpret the meanings of Islam into something else.
And there is one more thing that I want to add. All the “Islamic Organizations”, no matter what they are. Take it Jihad, Education, Mysticism or Preaching. We just join them to satisfy ourselves. We do stuffs that we are told to do but only the time when we are with these people. In real life, we are not ready to adapt the Islamic life-style, but few.
So now I ask myself…. What are we suppose to do? Live it now. Or live for the later. What is our religion demanding? Are we just happy to live under the tag?
This not just my opinion, it is a bundle of questions that I ask myself too.

Cold Storage

I have noticed some strange undergoing these days. There are faces that whenever I see them they remind me of you. In “Criminal Minds” there was a theory presented that the faces we pick, do not always resemble. Sometimes there is a graphical diagram set in our minds that makes us pick these faces. In my case, mostly the women I tend for, do resemble… or should I say… remind me of you. I don’t know why I am stuck with your face. A friend of mine told me that I could have done better. She meant; I could have picked beautiful than you. I couldn’t agree more to what she had said.

Also, there are people (women/girls) that don’t resemble you but (according to Criminal Minds) I have this graphic structure set up in my mind that makes me want to like them and some times I fancy them with me. Another friend of mine, once said that a memory’s power is realized when we are unable to forget the bad incidents. If you ask me; I don’t mind at all liking these faces. What trouble me, are the memories that I am stuck with. I am not talking about the good ones. I am being specific about the ones that lead us to the breakup. I used to ask my self what was the reason of it… the breakup (as you were unable to alibi me). But I couldn’t get any.

Memories are bitter and sometimes… ruthless. They just keep on coming, until they drive you nuts. You know what…? They did almost drive me crazy. But not those, related to you. They were the ones from my past. They were with me way back, before I met you. Still it’s kind of confusing, which ones are ruthless? When it comes to bitter memories… I have a whole archive all balanced in my mind. I don’t have to call them. They just come in, uninvited. Just like an unwanted guest. Let’s say… like an old lady that keeps on debasing you and making you do things that you aren’t willing to. So… you care for the ethics and try to be sober in front of them. Just like the way, you would stay in front of the old lady. You just let them carry on with their work and let them spoil your day. Well, I don’t. I say to them… “Bug off!!! This isn’t your place to be. Scram! Beat it! Take the Highway! Hit the road! And never come back to me.” Do they listen? Nope! But I carry on with my struggle to avoid them.

There is one thing for sure. The girls that I like, sure are hotter than you.

My Personal Angel/Gaurdian. (memoir)

If I claim that I am different from the other two siblings of mine, I won’t be wrong. My mother was married in February ’84 and I was born in November, the same year. Almost 26 years since my mother had me. I may have been a little boy but I could tell that the way she had pampered and cared for me, didn’t seem as if I was her first. She was a professional. The privileges that I had at that time, I am sure, none of the other two had those. My whole world was set around her.  She was my TV, internet, cell-phone, 911, PC… you name it. I have these pictures that tell me stories of her at that time. She used to dress me up and take my snaps. I was her little Harry Potter.
Oh… how can I forget her lullabies? They were a classic. I've had insomnia since my childhood. She and Daddy both sometimes used to take me for a little evening drive, when I couldn’t sleep. It used to be a matter of time and I was off to wonderland, right in my Mother’s arms.

I remember a lot from my childhood. Most of the memories are related to my mother or the time that I’d had spend with her. People need alibis to blame God. But this is the one that I can say; God is not cruel. I wonder, how can he create, such an angel for guys like me? I didn’t do anything to deserve this blessing.

Days went on passing and our” Mom and Son” relationship got stronger. Whenever I wake up she asks me the usual question; what do you want to have for breakfast? Not that, “Do you want to have breakfast?”  It’s something that we go unnoticed. But if you look closely, you’ll know the difference.

The most worrying thing isn’t my mom’s sickness. It’s her concerns for our future. I don’t like her when she looks at me, with wondering eyes. Wondering, what will be ours next? How will we survive this Human-Jungle? I try my best to calm her, whenever I get a chance. But to be honest, I am not sure if I can survive it or not. One thing I am sure of is, it won’t be easy without her.

She’s 47 now and still fresh as ever. I sometimes call her "Marge Simpson" (as she is fond of doing domestic errands). If you see her hustling hither and thither for the errands, you’ll surely laugh too. She does take this as serious as a multinational CEO would have concerns for his company. This entire headache, just to comfort us… We all agree a mother’s love is pure for her child. But we realize it too late.

Mama, just want to say that I never intentionally wanted to hurt you and I want to see an eternal smile on your face. Keep blooming.

Your son;
Khalid.